as always, I’m giving up a couple of things for lent. but in addition, I will do something every day to charge myself with some positive energy, consciously striving to be happier. since last fall, a lot of things happened and I’ve been much less happy than I usually am. it’s been a surprise how close I am to a number of people yet almost no one knows what did happen. with those I did share, I’ve felt hurt and left unacknowledged because while it was already hard opening up and sharing my problems as it is, I realized they’ll never talk to me about them again because they don’t really care or wont bother to ever bring the topic up in conversation again. but I’m not about to let myself be affected any longer by others. I’m done thinking or writing about this topic as well. keep thinking about things that only hurt me more and darken my thoughts isn’t very Christian-like. my happiness and positivity are things I will build on my own.
recently I’ve been constantly comparing myself with others, wishing things in my life were a little different and wanting more than what I do own. this is a reminder to self that I must remember I still have so much more than some will ever have. what I have is enough and God has given exactly enough amount (of stress, of burden, of happiness) of everything I need. I am strong. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
where I volunteer, a 2-year-old came in today for a general check-up. he got very scared and started crying, which is normal for his age. the doctor asked if he wanted to get checked up and he shook his head, no no, he really didn’t want to. but what got me was when the doctor continued to ask, “but will you let me see you anyways?” and the baby answered okay, still crying with tears rolling down his cheeks and scared for his life and yet letting the complete stranger take him in her arms. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom as I started tearing up a little. because seriously baby, I’m 21-years-old and I still run away from my problems and things I don’t want to deal with, but good for you!
this guy I’ve been sharing the same table with at the library just looked up and asked me what I was working on. I was so surprised by his question (or by the fact that he spoke to me) that I mumbled something about scheduling and asked why he asked. With a smile he shrugged, “Just wondering!” It’s unfortunate how little effort I make to interact with those I don’t already know, or how I don’t even expect any new interactions to occur anymore. he’s still a stranger, but he made me smile